She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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