ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
