How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
