"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
