Plan B is the new Plan A
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
