Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
