I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So vagazzling was a success
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
