She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Randomize
