Already got asked if we're dating
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
