there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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