I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
