he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
