Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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