No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
