He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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