so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
