Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
