shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
