I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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