i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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