So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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