Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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