My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
