Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
