Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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