I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize