you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
