I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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