tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
