butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
