I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
