I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
