every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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