I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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