my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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