But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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