Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
