im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
