That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
