Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
BRING THE BAGELS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
