if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
