Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Boobs speak an international language.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
