Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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