The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
