Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
