4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
