you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
