I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
