So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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