it's too hot outside to masturbate.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize