You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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