don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
