Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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