Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize