When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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