Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
