check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
