Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
