shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
we should paint friendship bongs
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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