Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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