i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
