That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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