Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
