im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
