I don't think brook has ever known best
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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