so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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