she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
