the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize