Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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