I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
