I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
