I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
