Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it's like iHOP with fire
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
