Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
